As the genocide in Gaza is entering its third year, the story must always remain Palestine: not even the historic flotilla or the despicable silence of our governments when nationals of over 40 countries are kidnapped by Israel.
Yet there is a comment I’ve been wanting to make (potentially, for our sanity).
During the weeks of this genocide that felt extra insane, extra unbearable, and when my nervous system was functioning…I still have no idea how, one phrase would come to my mind.
It’s rather simple. And, yes, it’s very dramatic. I would chase it with a “Well, clearly this can only lead to a spiral of self-pity, making the story about you and not what it should be about.”
But I want to share it with you.
Not because it is dramatic, but because just now, literally yesterday, in a moment of stillness, another phrase that sounds like a response to the one I am about to share with you came to my head.
So my dramatic phrase was this:
“I just don’t know how to exist in this world anymore.”
“I just don’t know how to exist in this world anymore.”
I never knew how I’d show up when a place so dear to my heart was being annihilated. I never knew how to bear witness to that annihilation for two years straight.
I never knew what I would do when my government showed only cowardice, denial, and complicity, bowing down to a fascist regime.
I never knew how to deal with the silence of friends, living a life marked by constant heartbreak, and a feeling that nothing I do is enough, even when contributing to something I know is meaningful.
I just don’t know how to exist in this world anymore. I don’t know how to keep on going.
And yesterday, a new thought came:
It is precisely because of Palestine that I am learning how I actually want to show up.
It is precisely because of Palestine that I am being shown how I want to exist in this world.
Maybe you’ve been feeling the same, even if you didn’t use the same language. Maybe it’s something that resonates and serves as a push to continue — even when everything feels extremely heavy.
But just like we cannot unsee our Palestinian brothers and sisters as people, just like we cannot unsee this eight-decade-long injustice, we cannot go back.
Because we have been shown how to exist in this world.
Over 250 murdered Palestinian journalists knew they had targets on their backs and still chose to keep on reporting. The ones who bravely continue know the targets are still there.
WE don’t have those targets on our backs. Let’s remember that when we have any doubts about amplifying the work which people are literally murdered for.
Talking about that amplification, I want to apologise for not having posted in English as often as I would have liked to. That’s because of the same reason why I started recording my commentary on Palestine in Lithuanian two years ago: because the genocide has been hidden, sterilised, reported on through the lens of the occupier, and treated in so many shameful ways that there is nothing left to expect from my national broadcaster. Even if you don’t speak Lithuanian, here’s a video to literally illustrate how bad it has been – and that’s only visually; I have two years’ worth of videos deconstructing the language of that coverage itself.
The language of my video is simple and only has two sentences in Lithuanian:
The genocide won’t be shown to you — it will be presented as smoke in the distance.
The genocide won’t be shown to you — as long as our government shakes hands with its executioners.
As always: stay strong, check on others, and keep your heart open.
❤️💔❤️
Justina
PS. Instead of supporting my work directly, please consider donating to my friend’s fundraiser here 🙏🏽
See more art by Ona, an awesome lady I happen to know personally, who kindly volunteered her artwork as the featured picture for this blog post, here: sakai_sakais.
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